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Sometimes we assume complete responsibility for others people's lives.We think that if something bad happens to other people, it is either our fault or our own inadequacy. This doesn't necessarily mean that we start blaming ourselves in front of others, but deep down in our souls we start believing that it was indeed our own fault. This mind-set is a sure recipe of stress and frustration.
After quitting my daily job, I started taking home tuitions to raise some cash. I didn't have any experience of teaching but I was a good student in school days, therefore, I was fairly confident about my teaching.
The first home tuition I took was of a 4th standard kid Shorya. He was a good student. I poured all my heart in teaching him. When I taught, I didn't pay any attention to the time while teaching him as it wasn't just a home tuition for me but it was the starting point of an institute. After a short time, other started recognizing me as a tutor. One day while I was teaching him, his cousin's mother came to me and asked to teach his son Vishu. I gladly agreed and thought I was moving in the right direction.
Vishu was unlike his cousin Shorya not a good student. I thought that if Vishu scores good marks in exams, people will start recognizing me as good tutor. Therefore, I worked harder on Vishu than Shorya. He never did any homework I assigned him to do, but I didn't let this to become a hurdle in my way. I taught him with double effort. I tried a dozen way to make studies more interesting for him. I did whatever I could to help him score good marks, but I never punished him. Punishment was not a part of my teaching system and hopefully never will be. Inspite of my hard work his mother used to tell me again and again that I must beat him else he won't study. I didn't pay attention to his mother's words as I was certain and confident about my teaching.
Before the final exams I taught him for 5 hours straight, but in spite of my hard work he failed! I was surprised and couldn't believe on it. I thought where did I go wrong? I felt extremely guilty because of my thought, "I must be a lousy teacher. If I had punished him earlier, he would have succeed in the exams. It's my fault that he didn't work hard to score good grades in the school. It's my responsibility to make sure he works hard"
When we are depressed, we become so frozen in the pain of the present moment that we become hopeless and start to believe that it will never end. As a consequence of HIS FAILURE, I suffered for months with a sense of extreme guilt. I began to even believe that it was the end of my teaching carrier. I was so trapped in the pain of his failure that I entirely neglected that my other student, Shorya, had scored 93%. His mother told me that was his greatest score by far, but I was still linking his failure to myself deep down in my soul.
After a couple of months, I began to see things more realistically and realized that we cannot control anyone but only us. What others do or failed to do is ultimately their responsibility.
In your role as a teacher, counselor, parent, physician, salesman, executive, you will certainly influence the people you interect with, but no one could reasonably expect you to control them.
Let go of taking responsibility for other people's lives, desires, and emotional responses. Realize that those around us have to take care of themselves. All we have to do is focus on taking care of our own lives and modeling that for other people This doesn't mean that you can't assist others. But it does mean that it's worth getting their permission or their request for assistance first.
